it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
