woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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