Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
