I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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