dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
