She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
