I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
