She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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