i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize
