Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
