apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
