its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
