we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
