I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
are you so shy because you have an std?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Randomize
