Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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