So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
well you can't waste a boner
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
