Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
