Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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