We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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