is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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