hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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