Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
