i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
