You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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