why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
