He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
The adults are the big ones right?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
