the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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