roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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