Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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