and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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