I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
