remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
