Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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