I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
