im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
People with herpes should wear stickers.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
