overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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