The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
