Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
