Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
