I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
