Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
