jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Randomize
