I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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