I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
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