Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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