By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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