I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
...so i touched it.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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