I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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