Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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