Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
